As I have shared on a previous post, Pandu is a part of the Ashraya family of children and we keep in touch with some of these families. I shared the story of Nisha and her family awhile back. They have recently received some difficult news. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers as no one could imagine going through this with your child.
Reading this news made me sideline my tribute to Christmas, Pandu’s experience in starting Kindergarten this week, or countless other experiences that have happened in the last while. Instead I want to talk about the elephant. The elephant that was inspired by hearing Brooke’s account of something very personal to their family.
My elephant, really our elephant, is our upcoming divorce. There I said it. The dirty, dirty D word. I silently feel the judgment of people of me, as I was the one who pulled the trigger (Jason has since come to realize that it is best for all, but still, it was my idea). The sad part is I feel it in my real life, meaning the friends I live my life with on a daily basis. So I want to pull the elephant out, tug on his ears, sand down his nails and give him some peanuts, because frankly he needs to move on to the next family.
The number one thing that people are thinking without saying is “why are you doing this when you just adopted?” I sigh because one does not have to do with the other. My desire to be a parent is independent of my desire to be married. It always has been. I would be a mom if I wasn’t married in a heart beat. Is it harder, oh yes? But impossible, no. Millions of single parent families are proof of that, including both of our moms. So then that leads to “well, what about Pandu?” And my answer … what about Pandu?
Will divorce some how mean that he won’t have a mom and a dad? Does it mean that we are going to put him out on the street because we aren’t husband and wife any more? Are we less of a family because we don’t live in the same house?
The thing that makes me angry is that to some people, yes, we are less of a family. Our story is less “ideal”, less “perfect”. Even worse, is the thought that by making this decision, we are “destroying” Pandu’s life.
Sigh. I remind myself that we are all flawed humans. But judge not, especially if you claim to live your life without judging others. Jason and I will be a stronger family. We will continue to shower Pandu with love. We will continue to keep his best interest at heart. And his best interest, is being raised by two happy, fulfilled parents. Period.
Lastly, I’m tired of elephants in my life. So if you have something to say, some concern, some question, some judgment …. Say what you have to say. Ask what you have to ask. Don’t participate in my daily life without saying whatever it is you have to say. Because I’m done with elephants.
Our family - Jason, Pandu and Me - no matter what.
